Well here I am at 28 weeks, up until this point, I haven’t let myself believe that I was going to have another baby…to incredible and amazing to get my head around. But I am slowly beginning to realize that I am going to be a mother of 2…Yes I still have a long ways to go, but I really have come far…hard to believe my problems started with this pregnancy 16 weeks ago…seems like forever ago.

Gotta give a shout out to Allison and Jody who both brought me food and good company, you guys are great friends to me. When I was in the hospital with Kaylyn I wouldn’t let anyone visit me, I wouldn’t call people etc…this time I am soliciting visitors and calls around the clock…I think that is healthier for me…Stephen stayed with me most of today and yesterday. I love him so much…he is so positive and he can make me laugh even when I don’t want to. I really am lucky.

On a positive note I only cried 2 times today, compared to 10 times yesterday. The first time is when I woke up…it is hard to wake up alone when you are used to your kido waking you up…the second time is not necessarily a sad cry, my brother in law sent me the nicest email…so nice…thanks David.

My mom will be here tomorrow evening and I get to see Kaylyn for the first time since Wed. Big plans tomorrow, big plans…later dudes…

In the hospital since Tuesday...can't use my right hand b/c the only vein they haven't destroyed is in my right hand between my knuckles...so this will be a short post. My doctor is out of town until Monday, so I could be stuck here until then. I am having to deal with another doctor in her practice and man she is a bitch. I have definitely reached a low point in regards to my mental state...crying about 4 or 5 times a day. Part of the reason I am keeping this blog is so I remember what I went through, so I don't do this to myself again...as soon as Kaylyn came out I literally forgot everything Stephen and I went through...I feel so trapped, and betrayed by my own body, and helpless...sorry this is a depressing post, but you get what you pay for...might be while till I post again, but I will try.Please pray for my mind and milli and our family...

Still at home, it amazes me every time I am able to write that…I did talk to the on-call doctor last night b/c my cramping was increasing and I didn’t know if I should take the medicine that makes my heart pound out of my chest, or if I needed to go in… the Dr told me to take half of a pill and only when I needed it…so far I have taken two halves. I was taking a whole pill (2mg) around the clock…too much for me I guess.

Other than my usual medicine drama there is not much to report. My mom’s birthday is on Friday, and it has been my goal to let her stay in Dallas through her birthday weekend…so I guess she will be here on Monday the 31st, which makes me happy…I miss her…

We did end up buying Milli’s bedding…I wanted to wait, but Stephen insisted b/c the bedding was on sale…and he was like what are we waiting for?? Turns out that I am glad he bought it, b/c now all the pieces aren’t available…here is a picture of his bedding…notice the fish for fisher…

Meet my old nemesis, tachycardia...I have complained about it before, and it came back last night at the convenient hour of 5am. Basically it is when you feel like you are going to die b/c your heart is racing...mine was about 130 or so...thought I was going to die, again...it was comforting to hear that when I told my doctor what happened, she said (without me mentioning) that when women have this they feel like they are going to die...I am NOT crazy!! Anyways, long story short, after I was able to get control of the good old heart I vowed not to take my ventolin again...so I have not taken it for probably 15 hours or so...I pray to God that by not taking that medicine I will not start cramping or contracting...but if I do I will just go to the hospital and see my best friend the mag bag.

On a more positive note, the doctor said milli is now 2 pounds 10 oz...way to go milli...we got to see the little guy on the sonogram...poor thing doesn't know how nuts his mom is...actually I would like to retract that statement b/c I really don't think I am nuts except when I am responsible for bringing another human being into the world. I mean, that is a big responsibility...and when there are complications, I think being nuts is justified...so there.

Wow...today has been full of visitors and phone calls and even a card! First my friend Tammy came over with her 7 week old baby to bake Stephen a birthday cake...then my friend Jody called and said she and my other friend Rebekah wanted to buy me a hair cut...at my house! So much fun! They said I can call and schedule it for whenever I want, so I think I will make it my 30 week present to myself...breaking into the 30's is a big deal you know...and I need to look my best. Then my friend Beth came over with her 8 month old and we chatted...then my friend Allison called me, she is coming to see me sometime next week...then I got a card from my long lost friend Angela...it has been an exciting day for me...and the day has totally flown by. YEAH! So tonight Tammy and Brian and Kendyl (that is their baby's name) are coming over to eat the cake Tammy made for Stephen for his birthday...and then I will be one more day closer to my full term baby boy....I wish every day went as smooth and fast as this one...I go to the doctor on Friday, so I will post then and let you know how things are going. Peace out-

I know, I know, I am totally slacking in the posting department, and for that I am sorry. I have had some rough days, but I am still home. Friday was tough, thought I was going to have to go into the hospital...but toughed it out and felt better on Saturday. Saturday we celebrated Kaylyn's birthday, I now officially have a two year old...weird, I feel like I am too young to have a two year old...guess not though. I think that I had a bad day Friday b/c I was so anxious about possibly missing out on Kaylyn's birthday party...maybe that is dumb, but I am so glad I was here for it. We just had my family over and Kaylyn's Godparents, so it was much more low key than the previous year...mainly b/c I don't want anyone staring at me in my pajamas...anyways when it came time for us to sing to Kaylyn, her face lit up, and when we got done singing she blew out the candles and said, "do it again"...so we did, we sang again, and she blew out her candles again...I figure we had to make up for last year when all she did was cry at her cake...

I had a bad night Sunday and a bad day yesterday...my main problem has been that every time I get up (which is just to go to the bathroom), I have very strong contractions and pressure...scares the heck out of me...but my doctor said while it is worrisome, there is really nothing more she can do. I think my bad day Sun/Mon was b/c my mom left...but I am getting over it.

So forgive me for not posting...hopefully I will have some good days and feel up to typing...Stephen's birthday is tomorrow...the big 28...I got him a media PC...it is pretty cool I must say. Peace out, here is a picture of my 2 year old baby (she will always be my baby).

I went to the doctor yesterday...when my doctor came in she said she had just sent the 3 people before me to the hospital...but I broke the trend, and I am still at home laying on my lovely couch. Dr. Adam said "we are still ok", so I am trying to relax a little. She said my stitch is holding (this means my cervix is closed). Yesterday's trip to the doctor sure did make the day fly by...my appt was at 3:30, but we left around 2:30...and it took me a good hour plus to get ready. My routine is shower, lay down, get dressed lay down, etc...we didn't get home until close to 6:00...that is alot of up time for a person who only gets up to go to the bathroom.
We are celebrating Kaylyn's 2nd birthday on Saturday, even though her actual birthday is on Monday. My whole family is coming in...I am really looking forward to it..this weekend should fly by. Sad news is that I think my mom might be leaving this weekend when the rest of my family takes off back to Dallas. JUST STAY MOM! When my mom is here I feel like nothing bad can happen...I guess I have always felt like that...my mom can do no wrong in my eyes. She rules. Here is a picture of me on my way to my doctors appointment, at 25 & 5 and to make up for my non-cuteness...here is a picture of my little July baby...

So I am approaching 26 weeks...my mom is still here, and I am still at home. I am just taking it day by day...which is what I have to do. I seem to have a different issue everyday. When I saw my doctor last Thursday, she said the baby is extremely low...and man can I tell...I have trouble sleeping at night lately b/c I am having spasms from the baby being so low. So I am sleep deprived on top of everything. Last night I had to go lay in my mom's room to calm myself down. I finally fell asleep around 5am...so I am exhausted today. Exhaustion doesn't help anxiety in case you are wondering. So I am going to the doctor every week now. My next appointment in Wednesday...I sometimes get the feeling that my doctor is amazed I have made it as far as I have right now...just wait until I blow her mind with a full term baby...right? Oh by the way today is day 40 on strict bedrest (this is not including my modified bedrest)...probably 50 more days of strict bed rest to go...can't wait...

Fear not my loyal readers, I am still at home, still pregnant...officially 25 weeks today. I have seen my doctor the past two days in a row. My biggest delima now is my anxiety. I can't take anything to help me, so I have to find it within. I made my mom come in yesterday...basically I lost it yesterday...my mom is like the only thing in the world that can calm me down. So I don't really feel like typing (or doing anything) depression and anxiety are a potent mix...hopefully my spirits will be lifted as I get closer to 28 weeks...I feel like I am just barely hanging on to my sanity.

I know I haven't posted in a while...usually when I don't post, it is a bad sign...b/c it means I don't even feel like getting on the computer. Well I have had more bad days. Friday and Saturday where pretty good. I took my procardia, was able to get some sleep, I thought things were going to be ok for a while. Why, right when I think things are going to be ok do they do a 180 and just go to crap? why? So Sunday night was bad...but I ended up having to take my procardia and some ventilin (my doctor said if I was having cramping/contractions that I could take both). So the ventilin gave me some relief...I thought maybe I just needed one dose of the ventilin to get back on track...but it was like the procardia was not doing it's job...so I continued to take both medicines...bad news is that both of these medicines in my system make my heart flip out...this morning I thought I was going to have to call 911...it was bad, but Stephen helped me calm down and he got my heart racing at a "reasonable" rate (whatever that is). So I am once again going to try and go without the procardia. Last time I tried to stop the procardia I wasn't sticking to taking the ventilin every 4 hours (I was trying to take it every 6 hours). So this time I am going to stick with every 4 hours around the clock and hopefully will be able to stabilize myself. Don't you just wish you were me? I bet. So tomorrow I am going to the doctor. Hopefully nothing has changed and I don't have to go to the hospital. I am almost 25 weeks...just a few more weeks...please...

Stephen took Kaylyn to the zoo today, I think they had alot of fun, although they got rained on a little bit. When I was pregnant with Kaylyn I wanted to go shopping or out to eat etc. so bad...this time I just wish I could do stuff with Kaylyn...I would have loved to go to the zoo with her. I want to be able to play with her again...that is one of the worst things about this situation. I feel so guilty not being able to care for her. Stephen has to do it all. He is doing a great job.