Today I went back to the dermatologist, b/c my hand looks like it could be relapsing in a couple spots...but after waiting an hour and a half, the dermo assured me that it is just remnants from the allergic reaction, and not to worry...so I am supposed to keep rubbing this cream on them, and supposedly they will go away, and not leave any scarring...I wonder if I will still have red spots on my hand when milli comes...which by the way milli will be here in 6 weeks or less, to the day, if you can believe that. After the dermo Stephen and I went to lunch...I just kept my feet up in our booth to try and keep my blood pressure down...it was nice to go out to eat, that is the first time I have been out to eat since... May? Don't get me wrong I have eaten a ton of take out, but I just haven't sat in the actual establishment from which the take out comes from. So now I am at home...Kaylyn's big sister shirt came today...it is super cute (and it says Kaylyn on it, not Lauren, some people seem to be confused by that (David))...I still have a few outstanding shipments that I am expecting...the tuxedo onesie, a rugby outfit I bought milli, a first year picture frame for milli, and a shirt I bought my mom...fun times...I go to the dr. on Friday...pray that the fluid around milli is abundant! Peace-

Oh it's Saturday and I am super bored. Stephen is gone to one of our good friends' wedding, so it is just me and my mom and Kaylyn haging out, and Kaylyn has been asleep for the past 3 hours...she is probably tired b/c she woke me up at 7am this morning...she comes trotting into my room, "hi mommy!" cute, but not so cute if you know what I mean.

Did I mention that on Thursday evening, I made an outting? Probably not supposed to, but I needed to feel boarderline normal for just a tiny bit. Stephen, my mom and Kaylyn and I went to Hallmark to buy a baby book for milli. I made a baby book for Kaylyn, and I must say that I did a great job on it...and I plan to do just as good of a book for millimeter. It was fun getting out, but man my heart was racing. I actually called my doctor and asked if it was normal to have a racing heart what seems like all of the time, and she said it was normal, that it is b/c my blood volume is double what it is normally...plus I am super out of shape...have I mentioned that I have been out of work, laying on my couch for 20 weeks now? Offically 20 weeks on Monday, that is a long long freaking time...it kinda feels to me that as I get closer to having a full term baby (5 more weeks, please God), that time is going by slower...why is that? My mom leaves tomorrow, and will be back on Labor Day...I hate when she leaves, I seriously count the hours until she gets back...I am such a wuss...

After close consideration, I have decided I will post a picture of my hand...it is looking a ton better, basically now I just have 3 red spots on my hand...I am warning you all that it is going to be nasty, actually the true nastiness might not come through in the picture. Don't judge me, it's not my fault I have a mystery allergy...it could happen to you...

Remember how Kaylyn is sleeping in her big girl bed? Last night was the first time she came into our room and I awoke to her in standing by the bed, scared the crap out of me...I screamed, which scared her and Stephen...it was freaky...

PS if you didn't notice I bailed on posting an un-edited picture of my hand...to gross, I don't want to lose any friends.

I have been super duper bored today, so you know what that means...alot of eating and alot of online shopping. I started out my purchases by buying milli a tuxedo onesie...b/c he obviously needs one. It is for him to come home in, if it is not too big...he needs to come home in a tux...duh. I continued my shopping by telling my mom to go to Dillards and go wild in the baby section, it was fun for her, and it will be fun for me to see what all she bought when she comes tomorrow. From there I had to buy princess Kaylyn something, so I got her a personalized big sister t-shirt, which you can see above...although I went with a grey t-shirt with pink writing....I think I might be done shopping for the day b/c quite frankly I can't think of anything else to buy...I will keep you posted on my spending...Did I mention that the tuxedo onesie was $40...oops...ha.

Doctor's report: Milli=4lb 3oz; Amniotic fluid=lower, but not dangerously low; Blood pressure=ok if laying down...I guess the main thing that upsets me and worries me the most is the fluid being low. I asked the doctor, so am I going to come in one day and you are going to say that the fluid is too low and we have to go have the baby...she said it was a possibility, but that she didn't know, and wouldn't answer that question...golly I wish I had a crystal ball...I wish I could just lay here until Oct 10th...and then have a full term baby...for some reason I don't think that is going to happen, I just feel like there are too many factors that could cause me to have milli early...hopefully I am just being paranoid, I mean if my doctor was worried, I sure as heck wouldn't be at home, so I need to just relax...easier said than done...well my mom will be here in approximately 42 hours, not like I am counting or anything...

Another day another dollar...I wish I had a dollar for everyday I had to lay here...actually I think I deserve like $50 a day...I'll just take it out of milli's hide when he gets here...just kidding. So I am going to try and write without complaining...but if I start complaining, turns out this is my blog and I can do what I want...I think I might be becoming bitter...

So I go to the doctor again tomorrow...I need to remember to ask her how much milli weighs now. She does a bunch of measurements through the sonogram, and then the computer spits out an estimated weight...according to my calculations he should be 4 pounds...Why doesn't that make me feel any better? I guess b/c I don't want to see anything less than a 6lb 8oz baby, which is what Kaylyn was...

I still have these stitches in my hand where they did the biopsy on my mystery sores...it is only 2 stitches, but I guess I have to go back to the dermo to get her to take them out...by the way my hand looks about the same as yesterday, it is taking its sweet time getting better...I still wouldn't go out in public without it being wrapped up b/c people would definitely stare, and it would probably scare some people...let's just say I wouldn't want to shake hands with myself.

Today has been sort of depressing for me. My mom left bright and early this morning, I guess I am always a little depressed when she leaves...she is always so comforting and makes me feel so much better. I guess another reason I am depressed is b/c although I am getting close to where I would be able to get up more, I actually can't get up...b/c of my blood pressure. With Kaylyn I didn't have this issue, so at around 34 weeks I got up more and more...but with this one, honestly it isn't safe. When I take my blood pressure sitting up it is usually ok, laying down my blood pressure is fine...but the kicker is when I stand up, the bottom number is over 80...which means I am going to have to continue to lay around possibly until I deliver...which I know at a maximum is only 7 weeks away, but I am on my 20th week of bed rest...I just want to be able to go shopping for this new baby, maybe have a few weeks before he arrives to clean my house, get things ready, like I did with Kaylyn, it just isn't looking good for my plans...so depressing.

An update on my hand, I guess it looks better...have you ever really burned the crap out of yourself? Well that is what my sores look like...they are bright red/purple, one of them is starting to not be as raised up, the other two are still raised looking a little bit...I just want these things to flipping go away! I try and let them air out, but then I just stare at them, and get upset at being such a freak of nature.

My mom is coming back on Thursday and staying until Sunday...mainly her visit is to keep me in check, but also Stephen is going to a wedding all day/evening on Saturday. I am sure we could have found someone to watch Kaylyn on Saturday, but I viewed it as a great excuse to recruit my mom back down here. So that is really all that is going on here...Kaylyn has been doing a horrible job sleeping through the night, so I am pretty tired...not that I can get up and help, but I can't sleep knowing she is awake. Let's hope for a good night tonight...oh on the ticker below you can go ahead and subtract 10 days from the number of days I have left, since it is counting until Oct 20, and we know good and well I will not be pregnant after Oct 10th. Peace out-

Oh goodness...so today I went to see an infectious disease doctor...it is not a very reassuring sign when the doctor finally looks at my hand and says "hmmm that is weird looking", right then and there I knew I wasn't getting any answers today. So the i.d. doctor ran a bunch of tests, and basically I won't know anything until Monday...BUT as I was waiting to get my blood drawn at the i.d. Dr. the dermatologist called and left me a message...she said that she had the biopsy back that she did on Tuesday, and that it is not bacterial (ie it is not impetigo) that it is an acute allergic reaction...TO WHAT?? I DON'T GO ANYWHERE!!! Am I allergic to being pregnant...that is my guess (just kidding)...so the dermatologist said I could stop the antibiotic that she had me on...but the i.d. Dr said I should keep taking the antibiotic until Monday when we know what her new tests say...so what should I do??? I really don't want to keep taking the antibiotic b/c it can cause me to relapse into having c-diff again (what I got from being on IV antibiotic after my supposed infection after my cerclage was put in)...so I really don't know what to do...my mom and Stephen say to keep taking the medicine...but they don't have to take another antibiotic if my c-diff comes back...

ANYWAYS...I am so sick of doctors, and I sure have been up and all over town for a person that is supposed to be on bed rest...Did I tell you all that I bought a blood pressure machine, well actually Stephen bought it for me, which surprised me, but I had to promise that I wouldn't just sit around and take my blood pressure all day long. The machine has made me feel alot better, b/c almost every time I check my blood pressure it is normal...so I think it was a good investment...anything to make me feel better...right? right. ok. later. Oh PS To brighten the mood of my postings lately, here is a picture of some socks I bought with a gift card from my bro-in-law for millimeter...they are socks that look like shoes, so cute, love them...

Well my hand still looks like crap...so far I have called my dr. 3 times, talked to her nurse twice and called the dermo once...on top of all that I also have my dad trying to pull some strings to get me into another doctor....the dermo is still saying they do not have my cultures back...liars. My doctors nurse got a hold of the lab where the culture is and they said it was coming back "no growth"...that is total bs, there is definitely growth on my hand...why didn't the dermo just tell me that? Bastards...there is nothing worse than being borderline lied to by the people that are supposed to be on your side. So I am abandoning the dermo helping me, and going with just dr. adam...she has a call into the infectious disease people at another hospital to get me in tomorrow...maybe they will have a little urgency in trying to help me. I am going to send dr. adam's nurse a present...she has been so helpful and I have been so annoying...I can't decide what to get her, I don't really know her...maybe a spa treatment? chocolate? By the way I just got done eating an a load of ice cream...my slogan for the rest of this pregnancy is "when life gets you down, eat ice cream"...can't hurt right? well with me it might...I better take it easy with use of my new slogan.

(sigh)...where to begin...today was full of doctors appointments...the first was back to the dermatologist...whom I have spoke with everyday since Friday...if she wants to get rid of me, she needs to cure me...my hand is still gnarly...the dermo said it looks better, but I am not really buying it. Tomorrow morning if it doesn't look better I am going to get another opinion...I really don't want to sit around on the wrong antibiotics...the dermo did a biopsy so on top of everything I now have a hole in my wrist with stitches in it...after the dermo I went to the baby dr. she told me my hand looked "funky" and she is who suggested a 3rd opinion...I had major blood pressure drama at the baby dr...Every time they would come at me with that blood pressure machine, I would have a panic attack and my blood pressure would go sky high...finally for my 3rd blood pressure reading my doctor told me to go lay in a back room and relax, when they re-took my blood pressure the nurse laughed, b/c it was 100 over 60...super low for someone who had readings of 114/94 then 130/90...just for the record the limits before you hit some form of hypertension is 120/80. So anyways Dr. Adam sent me home...but before she did so she scheduled my c-section...can you believe that? 10-10-06 at 7:45...if I make it that far I will be 38 weeks and 4 days, which is what I was when I had Kaylyn...I didn't pick the date, Dr. Adam did, I think it is a sign...she said "I think 10-10 has a good ring to it" I have to agree...

So my request to you all is to pray for my hand, I would post a picture (I have taken plenty), but honestly I don't want to gross you all out, I am grossed out enough for everyone. Check you birds later.

Impetigo...yep...remember how I said I had some sort of rash on my hand? Yeah, it was totally getting out of control nasty, so I called my doctor and she got me in to see a dermatologist on Friday...it was way far away, but if you could see my hand, you would have driven far too...Stephen took me, even Stephen is concerned, which speaks volumes if you know Stephen...his family grew up only going to the doctor if a limb was missing. Anyways, so the dermatologist prescribed me the Z pack and told me to call her if it wasn't working...so being the squeaky annoying wheel that I am I have talked to the dermatologist both yesterday and today, she didn't know what she was in for when she gave me her pager number...so I am now on a different antibiotic...fun times...my hand is gross looking...so that is what is going on with me...the dermatologist said I got this b/c my immune system is down from being pregnant...this little baby is sucking the life out of me...

Man...I wish my mom was here...I am worrying about trying to not worry...

The second I take something for granted, it is gone…at least with this pregnancy. I went to the doctor today thinking things would be as they had been before…check my cervix, baby looks good…etc…not the case today. My blood pressure was up, not good for a pregnant woman, it went down the second time they checked it, but then during the ultrasound the doctor told me my amniotic fluid was lower…she said it was ok for now, that the baby is not in danger, he weighs 3lb 6oz…but seriously…I can’t do anything about it (not like I can do anything about any of my problems). I am just so frustrated and so so so very depressed. I have now been on strict bed rest for 70 days…this doesn’t include my time on modified bed rest that is an additional 52 more days…122 days of worry and everything else. Needless to say I have cried many times today, probably 10 or so. I want so badly for milli to be a full term baby, healthy, like Kaylyn, but I am seriously concerned, especially with my newest problems. My doctor said she will be extremely aggressive until I hit 32 weeks (Aug 25th)…that is unless the amniotic fluid or blood pressure issues increase. She also told me I should do the c-section, so Stephen and I decided in her office that I would go ahead with the c-section, so now I can stop thinking about it, I am doing it and that is that. Overall it was a crummy doctors appointment…depressing…it is like I want this to be over, but at the same time I want it to last for millimeter’s sake…

For those of you that don’t know, Stephen got a new job back in March and now works from home, so he is here with me all day almost everyday (unless he is out of town, then my mom is here)…it has been a true blessing, I think I would definitely be worse off if he weren’t here to calm me down and talk to me. I guess that should remind me that someone is looking out for me (and milli) and that God truly won’t give me anything more than I can handle.

Ummm, let's see...what can I complain about now? Oh yeah, I now have some sort of rash on my right hand...I don't think they are related to where my IV was, but there are 2 dime size areas on my hand/wrist that have these little bumps in it...great...I guess I will just show them to my doctor, although I am sure she will be like…I don’t know…and I will have to go to a dermatologist or some crap like that. Let’s change the subject, shall we? B/C quite frankly I am even sick of my problems…

On Saturday Stephen took Kaylyn’s crib apart…for the past few months she has had both a crib and a big girl bed in her room…we thought she would eventually want to get in her big girl bed, but she didn’t, so we went cold turkey on her…she hasn’t really been too bothered by it, but has said a couple of times that she wanted to get in her crib…to which we just respond, your crib is gone, and she drops it. She looks so small in her big bed…it is a full size bed…when I bought it I figured why buy a little twin bed that she will grow out of when I can just buy a full and she can have it forever…or at least longer than a twin.

So that is what is going on over here…I go to the doctor tomorrow…I will let you know what she says…my main question to her is what is our plan…does she recommend I stop my medicine at 32 weeks and see what happens? Does she want me to keep taking my medicine as long as I can physically take it? You get the point…I am also going to talk to her about this c-section thing…she wants me to have a c-section b/c I had a hard time recovering from having Kaylyn…but I am not sold on it…c-sections scare me…I know what to expect having a baby the other way…c-sections just seem like such a major deal…I will see what she says. Ok I am off to do some on-line shopping, or something…I am due for my medicine soon…DAMN IT.

Do you know how sick I am of taking medicine? I am seriously sick of it...I am now taking half of a half of my pills, every 3 hours...EVERY 3 hours! No wonder I can't relax...the second I start feeling a tad bit normal, oh yeah, time for my freaking medicine. I was taking half a pill every 6 hours, but my heart rate was still spiking, so my dad suggested taking half of a half every 3 hours to try and prevent the "spikes"...not sure if that is the medical term, but you know what I mean. So my next dose is actually due now, but I am going to wait a while…I cannot wait to have a normal day of no medicine…not sure when that will be…maybe in 3 weeks? I go to the doctor on Tuesday, and I will be sure to ask her when this medicine drama can end…seriously.

My mom is gone, she left me yesterday…she will return on the 14th, which is when Stephen is going out of town. He will be gone Monday through Friday of that week…I am pretty sure that he can’t wait to get away from me…I have been on bed rest for 17 weeks now…I am pretty sure he doesn’t remember that I used to be fun. I feel sorry for him always having to listen to me complain/cry/worry…but I guess that is what they mean when they say in good times and in bad…I am just ready for some good times.

Well I am home...I got discharged at about 9 pm last night...no way was I sleeping the night there when there was the option to sleep in my bed. I slept pretty good, which I thought I might not since I have been taking sleep medicine every night. I didn't get to see Kaylyn before she went to sleep, but this morning Stephen went and got her and brought her into our bed when she woke up...you should have seen her face when she saw me, I don't think Stephen gave her a heads up, he just brought her in our room...she was so excited..."mommy you're home!" ...she is staying home today since my mom is here and I just want to look at her. Man I missed her. I miss doing things with her, but turns out we are in the home stretch here..and then I will never be pregnant again...I will be 29 weeks tomorrow...and then in 7 days I will be 30 weeks...30 sounds so much further along to me for some reason...Milli is super strong...when he kicks you can literally see my stomach move from across the room...you go Millimeter...

So I want you all to do something...next time you take a shower I want you to think about how lucky you are to be able to use both your hands...I was having to shower with just one hand, the other hand was wrapped in a plastic bag so that I wouldn't get my IV wet...although I was thankful to be able to take a shower...some women in that hospital can't even get up to go to the bathroom...so be thankful for the little things, I know I am..

Hello my peeps…still in the hospital…the doctor is “weaning” me down on the mag to see what I do…but she is putting me on a low dose of the ventolin, which was what I was taking during my last heart episode, but since the dosage is half I guess she figures we will try this. So far my contractions are ok…but I am still on some mag, she might stop it tonight and see how I am by morning. This is all speculation b/c I haven’t seen her today, I will probably see her tomorrow. My mom has spent the night with me up here since she came in on Saturday. She has to keep me in check. I keep having panic attacks…which by the way, I am now taking Paxil (to control my anxiety). I am not sure how many of you out there can relate to panic/anxiety attacks…but man they are no fun…hopefully the Paxil will get my emotions in check…I hate that I need to have medicine to make me not crazy, I feel like every other woman in my situation would be able to just get over it, and that I am a super wimp…

Kaylyn has come to see me the past 3 days in a row. I am able to go on wheel chair rides once a day and either go outside, or wheel around the hospital etc. so I have been saving my rides for when Kaylyn comes. She sits next to me in the wheel chair and will insist on holding my IV tubing (I think the IV and tubing really scares her). She will hold the tubing so still while Stephen pushes me and my mom wheels the IV pole next to us. We are quite the entourage. She is coming again tonight…maybe that is selfish making her come see me, but I think we need to see each other, and it makes me feel better…maybe it makes her feel better too?

I will keep you all posted…I still have this IV in my right hand, so I don’t like to type so much…peace out. Oh..PS..praise the Lord we are in August!!