Ok, maybe switching my medicine wasn't a good idea. Wednesday night was a bad, I didn't go to the hospital, but I got close. Around 2am, I said screw it and went back on the Procardia. It helped. I went to my doctor yesterday to make sure there were no changes, and she said we are still ok. Since I didn't get the call back from my doctor until 3pm yesterday, we had to leave Kaylyn with her sitters all evening. So I didn't get to see much of Kaylyn last night, but I was glad to be home. Everytime I go to the doctor I have a real fear that she is going to put me in the hospital...but I am home. My doctor did proscribe me Zoloft, b/c I am having such anxiety and worrying myself so much...but I haven't taken it yet. I hate medicine.

These are my friends Jody and Rebekah...they brought us a delicious home cooked meal...thanks girls! And come back soon!

Last night I started taking a different contraction medicine...I only lasted about 3 weeks on the Procardia. But the Procardia was totally messing with my blood pressure, and irritating my stomach, so hopefully this other medicine won't have such bad side effects for me. I always get so nervous when I switch medicines...I just don't like change.

I am excited about the long weekend...not because I have any big plans besides laying on my couch, but b/c Stephen will be off, which means Kaylyn will be around. I swear when she is around the day goes by twice as fast...I just watch her wander around, read her books, and try my best to take care of her without picking her up, or getting up too often. I try to remind myself that she won't remember when mommy had to lay on the couch for 3-4 months...but sometimes I wonder if I am scarring her emotionally. Stephen has been taking Kaylyn to the sitters house in the morning, and she has been crying...she never did that before...so I wonder if me being so "unavailable" is causing her to have trouble. I also wish I could get up and do stuff with her before the other baby comes. If I was having a normal pregnancy I would love to take her to do fun stuff and give her special attention before the shock of having a brother. But then again, maybe it is a good transition, if there is such a thing. Prior to bedrest Kaylyn was very dependent on me and wouldn't let Stephen put her to bed or dress her or anything...but now she will...so maybe I should look on the bright side (I am not to good at doing that).

Kaylyn and Stephen are home! Yeah! I swear Kaylyn looked different when I first saw her. I missed her so much. Last night I was laying with her in her big girl bed, and she kept getting closer and closer to me...like she couldn't get close enough...little stinker.

Sadly, my mom left today, but promised to be back in two weeks for Kaylyn's birthday. Man in two weeks I will feel so much better! Can you believe I am approaching 24 weeks (I say tomorrow I am 24 weeks, my doctor say Friday)? I remember typing in the hospital when I was 20 weeks and feeling as if I had an eon to go before 28 weeks, and now here I am half way to my first goal. Wow...hopefully the next 4 weeks just blow on by...

My friends Jody and Rebekah are coming to see me tonight...which gives me something to look forward to. I guess I will do them a favor and put real clothes on...I pretty much live in my pj's, but this is a special occasion! I think after this baby I might burn these pj's/muu muus that I have been living in. These are the same muu muus that I wore while I was pregnant with Kaylyn...they have been good to me, with me through thick and thin, but I think come October they are going bye bye...

These pictures are from the photo shoot of the Fisher clan in Dallas that I missed...total bummer...but I actually wouldn't want my picture taken right now...I am not exactly photogenic right now, plus I love this picture of Kaylyn and Stephen. If I was there this picture of just them probably wouldn't have been taken. How pretty is Kaylyn? Seriously.

My mom and I are just hanging out today. She has taken on Kaylyn's big girl bedding as her little project. It looks pretty good...just need to figure out what shams look best. Kaylyn's big girl bedding is her b-day present...I know her b-day is still 3 weeks away..but I am bored...so anything goes...

I caved...yep, I got online this morning and bought my mom an expensive a** plane ticket to come stay with me this weekend while Stephen and Kaylyn are gone. I don't know why I was thinking I could go it alone...I might be a strong person under normal circumstances...but my pregnancies aren't normal, therefore I am a wimp. So my procrastinating cost me an additional $60, but can I really put a price on my sanity? Stephen just informed me a few minutes ago that he has to stay through Monday b/c he has a work meeting (they were going to come home on Sunday)...if I hadn't bought my mom a plane ticket I surely would have had a major break down upon hearing they were staying another night...so my mom will be here tomorrow evening...I am feeling better already.

After talking with my other doctor, I feel a little better. At least for the moment. It is like I wish that I could have my doctors live with me while I am pregnant...that way, I would have them at my beck and call to calm me down and tell me everything is ok (it is ok, isn't it?). The doctor reassured me that he has used this medication hundreds of times with no side effects...I should have recorded our conversation so I could be reassured over and over again...I know, I am going nuts...you would too, trust me...

Onto a topic other than my problems (shocking I know)...Stephen has put Kaylyn to sleep in her big girl bed a couple times lately...right now she has a crib and a full size bed in her room (we put the bed in there so she could get used to it) but she hasn't really been too interested in sleeping in her big girl bed until the other night...so Stephen put her in and she went to sleep no problem. He closed her bedroom door so she wouldn't go roaming around the house in the middle of the night, but we leave her closet light on and the closet door open so it is not too dark...well, the other night around 2am, she let out a couple cries...nothing urgent, just like she was having a dream, or woke up for a minute...so I didn't really think anything of it...but I at about 3 am I got up to go to the bathroom, and I thought, maybe I should check on her...so I go to her room and open her bedroom door, and it is really dark, and she is not in her bed....I open her closet door, and there she is sitting on the floor, happy as a clam, wide awake, playing with some toys in her closet...she goes "hi mommy"...scared the crap out of me...she had closed her closet door, so she was stuck in there, but she didn't seem to mind...what a stinker. So I guess we need to get a good night light and keep her closet door closed too. Also this morning, I went to see if she was awake (she was sleeping in her crib)...and she was butt naked...she had taken off her pjs and her diaper, and was sound asleep...great...but at least she hadn't peed the bed (crib) yet...

Golly, get me out of June! Only 10 more days until June is over, and then I will feel like I can see the light at the end of the 28 week tunnel. Also, Kaylyn will turn 2 in 27 days (on July 17th)...I am not real sure what we will do for her birthday. Last year we had a blow out party, and Kaylyn didn't have any fun...so I think this year (especially since I will still be laid up) it will be just a family affair.

I am really debating what to do about this coming weekend. I have been having some problems that I haven't written about, mainly b/c I don't want to gross anyone out. The long and short of it is that ever since I was given IV antibiotic after my cerclage was placed (at 13 weeks) I have been fighting a disease called c-diff...basically it comes about due to usage of alot of antibiotic...leave it to me to get an illness caused by antibiotic. Seriously. The thing that makes it hard for me is that it causes alot of cramping, which I easily confuse as cramping/contractions from my sucky uterus. Additionally, I have already taken 7 days of this strong a** medicine to kill it, and I have already relapsed, so now I have to take it again! Son of a B. And you guessed it, right on the information that comes with the medicine, it says not to use if you are pregnant...just fabulous. So I have put in a call to my infectious disease doctor (yes, I now have another type of doctor) to talk with him about the medicine and get all my questions out of my system (including what I hope are my irrational questions). So my mom said she would come in this weekend since I am having such a hard time with my relapse and cramping (which then causes me to freak out of course)...but I just feel so bad asking her to come in AGAIN...I bet she is totally annoyed with me...shoot, I am annoyed with me! I guess I will just see how I feel after my conversation with my other doctor, and decide if I should ask her to come or not...I really suck at making decisions when I am pregnant...

This past weekend, my family came and went like a mini tornado...ok maybe it wasn't mini...it was fun for me though, it gave me alot to watch from the couch, my mom cooked delicious meals, and the weekend went by extremely fast. I was a little emotional when everyone left on Sunday...but my brother Jeff is still here. His car had to have major repairs, leaving him somewhat trapped in Houston. Don't tell him, but I am secretly hoping he remains trapped until the weekend...in case you forgot, this is the weekend that Stephen is abandoning me and taking Kaylyn with him. Being alone is going to be so hard for me. I can't really describe why it is so hard for me...Actually I can, I think way too much when I am alone and don't have people to distract me from my contractions...which means I focus on them, and that makes them worse. Maybe I will make my mom come here...if it gets too bad.

On another note, I went to the doctor today. It was an alright visit, my cervix has some length, but my doctor actually said, "this is what we don't like to see"...she was referring to the fact that my cervix is thinning down to the stitch, I should have asked what happens if it does get down to the stitch, but I am not sure I want to know...come on cervix!! just last a few more months!! I need a cervix transplant.

I have to leave you with a very sad story today...after every doctors appointment, I call my mom and tell her what my doctor said etc. Well today when I called she was out front...and we where talking...all the sudden she heard (and I could hear through the phone) what sounded like a gun shot. She went inside, and was joking that she was checking herself to make sure she wasn't shot. We resolved ourselves to thinking it must have been a firework being shot off, since fourth of July is right around the corner. A few hours later my mom called and said that my neighbor had committed suicide. His name was David, he had a wife and two grown kids, and a grandson. He was severely depressed, and I think he had some health problems...just so sad to me that he felt he had to end his life. I pray he is in a better place now.

22 weeks...ekkk...I am so scared, but I don't think anything is changing, so I need to relax. It is so amazing to me that these next few weeks make such a difference in the health of my baby...there must be massive changes in him every day. He is quite the wiggle worm already, I pray he is so healthy. I hate that I have to take medicine...it is like I am trapped...I don't want to take any medicine b/c I worry about the effects on milli, but if I don't take my medicine I would lay around and cramp/contract, and I guess possibly go into labor? You see it is quite the debate as to whether or not these medications I have been taking actually prolong pregnancies or not...which of course makes me feel even worse. But I can't do anything except what my doctor says, I just haven't resolved myself to just take my medicine and not think about it. Can anyone else understand how I feel? Maybe not, maybe I just worry too much.
The good news is that the next week or so should go by fast for me. My whole family (including my dad) is coming to see us today, and staying through Sunday. Also Jeff's car is getting repaired and won't be done until Wed...so he will be around..he is fun. Then Stephen and Kaylyn are going to Dallas on Friday through Sunday b/c the Fisher's are having a mini reunion...that weekend could prove pretty tough for me. I want to go! But instead I have to lay around all alone...what a total bummer.
Here is a picture of Kaylyn at her color table...I bought these little chairs online one day when I was super bored...maybe I will just shop the whole time Stephen and Kaylyn are out of town...

Yesterday we had a wicked storm...this tree came crashing through our fence, but was far from our house...the storm came really fast and the wind was blowing like a maniac, very scary, and Kaylyn was at the sitter's house, I just wanted her home!

My brother Jeff came in last night to help out...he is a big time helper...other than that I am just trying to keep my spirits up...so hard to do when you are totally dependent on the people around you. I think being on bed rest is one of the hardest things...I mean if you have a broken back or something, people know, ok that person can't do anything...I have to feed him, help him, etc...but with bed rest I look normal, I am capable of doing things, but I am not supposed to...so people almost forget that I am supposed to lay down all day...so I have to ask for things all the time...and it is quite tiring...and almost degrading at times. I am a pretty independent person, s0 having t0 ask f0r s0me0ne t0 make me dinner just makes me feel helpless.

Not much new to report, Kaylyn finally broke her fever late this afternoon...I am so freaking glad...Stephen took her to the doctor this morning, her appointment was at 8:50 and they were back by 9:20...pretty good time. Kaylyn's doctor is literally right around the corner, maybe like 1 mile? definitely not more than 2 miles...Stephen said the doctor didn't seem that concerned with her fever, but he sent Stephen home with a pee cup, since Kaylyn is potty trained, so that they can test her for a urinary tract infection (which was negative). I am so proud of Kaylyn for being potty trained...she wears underwear all day when she is at home with us, and wears a diaper at night...what a stud, I mean, she has been potty trained since 22 months (maybe 21)...I love seeing people's expression when they are like, does she have regular underwear on? yes she does, b/c she rules...
My brother Jeff is coming tomorrow...he just took the LSAT...hopefully he kicked the snot out of it so that he can go to school wherever he wants...man my brothers are totally smoking me, I mean I am going to have a doctor and a lawyer for brothers...and here I am a bed rest susie...whatever, I still own them...

I know I haven't posted in a while, but you guessed it, more drama at the Fisher household. On Friday morning I woke up around 7, and it was time to take my new contraction medicine...so I took it...about 30 minutes later I thought I was going to die (I am not exaggerating here). My heart was racing at 125...I had been on the medicine for 4 days, so I was surprised and freaked out. Luckily, my mom was still here or else I would have really been freaking out...turns out a racing heart is a serious side effect of my new medicine. The medicine is intended for people with high blood pressure, but it has been proven effective in also controlling pre-term labor...the medicine does not usually lower people's blood pressure when they have normal blood pressure...but of course I proved that wrong. My doctor had me on double what I took with Kaylyn, which made me nervous, but she is the boss...so I was just taking it and doing as I was told...so what ended up happening was that my blood pressure dropped really low, and my heart was trying to make up for it, which caused me to have a heart beat of about double what is normal for me. So I paged the on call doctor, which thankfully was Dr. Adam...and she of course wanted me to go to the hospital for some testing. So my mom took me up there, they did some testing, and now I am on half of the dose that I was, but feeling better. I think the medicine is still screwing with my blood pressure, but nothing compared to Friday morning. You know...leave it to me, seriously...most pregnant women have problems with high blood pressure, and here I am with low blood pressure...What in the freaking world...Also, I seriously just should tell the doctor what to prescribe to me...I obviously know more than them!

In addition to all that crap, Kaylyn has been running a fever, for over 36 hours now...for no apparent reason (ie, no cough or runny nose). As if I don't have enough to worry about. I worry so bad about her when she gets sick...and she just had the barfs like 6 weeks ago! We have been giving her medicine around the clock, and putting her in cold baths (not popular) and she still has the flipping temperature...so I guess Stephen will have to take the day off to take care of her, b/c she can't go to the sitters, and I can't watch her...and he will have to take her to the doctor without me...first time I haven't been with her at the doctor....my poor baby!

So in closing, and since it is Sunday, and we can't go to church, I pray that we could maybe have like 2 or 4 months of no sickness and no drama...I don't think that is too much to ask, do you??

Home...thank God...I am now on strict bed rest...such a bummer, but at the same time I knew what I was in for. One thing that makes it a little easier is that with Kaylyn I would just lay in bed and feel so sorry for myself...I would be like, I just want to go to Target or the grocery store...or anywhere...but you know what? Once I got up and could go to the store, it wasn't all that great. It wasn't like once I got to Target I had this huge sense of relief or excitement...it was just like hmm, ok, I am at Target...why was I so upset about not being able to come here? Additionally, once I could get up, almost everyday I would take in the fact that I was walking around...doing things...after bedrest you don't take things for granted quite as much...sure there were probably days I didn't think about bedrest, but those days are few and far between...maybe b/c I knew deep down I would have to do it again, kinda like a survival instinct.
So anyways I am home, enjoying my time with Kaylyn...I pretty much just lay on my couch all day, and my favorite girl spends alot of her time standing right by me. She is glad I am home, and I am too.

Soooo...I am still in the hospital...it is 3:40...I am assuming that my doctor will come here around 7...and I pray God she will let me go tonight...I seriously don't see any point in keeping me over night. I have been off of my IV for over 24 hours, and I feel pretty good. I definitely feel better than when I came in on Thursday.

On another note we have a slight problem...my mom, who is invincible, has the barfs...she is not supposed to go home until Friday b/c Stephen is going out of town tomorrow...I told her to suck it up, and I think I almost made her cry...I am a jerk...anyways, hopefully she feels better by tomorrow...she came up to visit me, and turned around and left in like an hour and a half b/c she felt so bad...we just can't seem to catch a break...if it's not one thing it is another.

To help me pass the time I will leave you all with a story...it is actually a story from my pregnancy with Kaylyn...but being back in the hospital you recognize alot of the nurses, and stories/memories come rushing back...when I was in the hospital pregnant with Kaylyn I had a bunch of different nurses, but there was one that Stephen, my mom and I will never forget...the reason being that she wore this little, blue, poofy hat...it matches her scrubs of course...well one night she was hooking up all these monitors and had her back to me/Stephen...I got up to go to the bathroom, and had on one of the lovely hospital gowns that just flap open in the back...anyways, when I got up I flashed my butt at Stephen and my mom (it was a regular occurrence)...Stephen goes, "ummm mame, your butt is showing"...he was talking to me, but the nurse with the stupid little blue hat turned around, b/c she thought that he was talking to her...man it took everything inside of me, my mom, and Stephen, not to just burst out laughing...Well the little blue hat nurse was spotted by Stephen the other night...I think he told her that her butt was showing, but I am not sure...

Peace-

Aughhhhh!!!!!! Does a crazy person know they are going crazy? If so, it might be a good sign that I think I am going crazy (I would think I crazy person doesn't know they are going crazy)...Yes I am still in the hospital...but good news is they took me off the "MAG BAG" (magnesium)...which was being shot through my veins 24/7...so I am IV free, but still in my little tiny hospital room...my doctor switched me over to a new drug, Procardia...which I was on with Kaylyn (much later though)...I did well on Procardia with Kaylyn. I think I took it from 28 weeks to 34 weeks...so hopefully it will be just as effective this go around. Let's see...what has happened today...ummm, I got my IV out, my mom has been up here all day with me, and Stephen and Kaylyn are on their way up here to see me...I think Kaylyn really misses me, when I call the house and she is around, she will ask to talk to me...and without any phone coaching she will say "I miss you mommy"...is it possible for her to understand what "miss" is? I mean, I know she is a genius, but still...I feel kinda bad when I ask Stephen to bring her up here, b/c it is such a long drive, and she only stays like 45 minutes...I feel selfish almost...but maybe, just maybe, she wants to see me too.
So my doctor will probably come see me tonight around 9PM is my guess...I might ask if it is possible to go home tonight, but most likely I will get to go home tomorrow morning/afternoon...don't worry I will keep you posted...

Saturday...and in the hospital...BOOOO! But it turns out that I do have a few funny stories...surprising huh? Well sit back and let me take a try at telling a few good stories...
Story #1:
So I have been in Labor and Delivery since I came here on Thursday...basically there are 3 sections of the hospital. Antepartum is where you go before you have the baby if you are stable, but having problems, L&D is labor and delivery, and postpartum is where you go after you have the baby....ok, so now that I have that covered, I have been in L&D since Thursday. Last night Dr. Adam came to see me and said that they would move me to antepartum as soon as they had room, but that the only room available was a semi-private (I would have a roommate) and that she had "seen who was in the room, and she almost got run over by a fat woman in a wheelchair"...yes my doctor said those words...I have come to figure out that my doctor does NOT like fat people...kinda funny to me...actually at my last doctors appointment with her she said to me, "thank you for not being fat"...ha...man my doctor says what she wants...anyways, so she said she was not going to put me in that semi-private room b/c she "wouldn't do that to me"...Cut to this morning, and my nurse said we are going to move you...I was like ok, so I start trying to get my stuff together, then my nurse casually mentions that I am going to have a roommate...WHAT THE HELL?? It took everything inside of me not to cry. I don't want to lay in the hospital and I sure as hell don't want to lay in the hospital with a stranger...anyways, I clamly mentioned to the nurse that Dr Adam had mentioned that she was not going to put me in a semi-private room...and the nurse was like I don't know why she would have said that...So she finishes packing me up and I get into my stupid little wheel chair, and we are heading to meet my new roommate...we roll past the nurses station on our way, and Dr. Adam is there...and I say, "Dr Adam! , they are putting me in a room with a roommate..!" I wasn't really yelling, but I made sure that she saw my eyes were yelling...well as you can tell from my previous posts, my doctor says what she wants and doesn't take any crap...she proceeded to reprimand my nurse (in her thick German accent...actually I am not sure it is German) telling her to turn me right around, that I wasn't going anywhere...they could move someone else, but that she has "seen" who is in the other bed in that room and that I was not going in there...WHEW! It was awesome...after she got done telling my nurse to take me back, the head nurse came over, and she proceeded to tell her off too...I have never loved my doctor more than I did right then...highlight of my week by far. Nobody messes with Dr. Adam...
Story #2:
This story is pretty short. My Mom and 2 more of my brothers (Chris and Marky) came into town this morning...bringing my brother total to 3 (Jeff is the only one not here). This afternoon my mom and Chris came to keep me company...pretty boring for them, but I was glad to have someone around...Chris is a farting machine..why is farting so funny sometimes? Maybe I am delirious. Anyways Chris is in medical school, and just finished his first year (way to go Chris)..anyways I asked Chris if he would go get me some peanut M&Ms (I better not eat too many b/c if I get fat Dr. Adam might punch me in the face)...so Chris leaves, and then returns...and gave me a bag of peanut M&Ms, then threw another bag on my bed, then another, then another....the little farter bought me 10 bags of peanut M&Ms...it was really funny when he did it...thanks for the good laugh Chris...now go sit on the pot...

Can you say 20 weeks? Wow, I can't believe I am at the half way mark...it has been a long road here...but it went by fast. How is that possible? That seems like an oxymoron huh? When I was admitted to the hospital after I got my cerclage at 13 weeks...I was like, how in the hell am I going to make it to 28 weeks? (For those of you that might not know, I was admitted for about 5 days for IV antibiotic after I got my cerclage b/c I got some sort of infection from the surgery) Well I have been on modified bed rest for almost 8 weeks...and now I have another 8 weeks to go...until I can breathe easy.
As an update, my doctor ended up seeing me at 11:30 PM last night...man my doctor works hard...don't get me wrong, I am glad she works so hard...she did a scan on me (an ultrasound)...and said my cervix was closed. PRAISE THE LORD! I was surprised that it was closed to tell you the truth, b/c of all the cramping I was having. She did say that it looked a little thin, but that the stitch was tight and "we are good". These words coming from my doctor means alot...she will never tell you something if it is not true, which I have come to really appreciate now. So my attitude now is that at 20 weeks with Kaylyn, I had basically no cervix...now with Milli I am 20 weeks, I have some cervix, and I have a "tight" stitch...I think those are all good things.
My brother has been helping out alot since I have been in the hospital...he brought his good old sister some freebirds and some trashy magazines...what more could I ask for?

Guess where I am...if you said shopping at the Galleria, you are wrong...but really close (not)...I am in the hospital. Basically my cramping kept me up all night, and I finally had to break down and call...they still haven't checked my cervix to see if it is closed or what (which I think is weird) but they did put me on Mag...which is short for Magnesium...makes you feel like you have the flu...and gives you a headache...the plan as I know it, is to keep me on Mag until Sunday, then send me home on different medicine....see this is how it works...I have been on the tocolytic Ventilin since 13 weeks (I am now 20 weeks), what Ventilin does is blocks the receptors that cause the cramping/contractions that I have been having, but Ventilin doesn't last forever...Eventually those receptors become somewhat immune to the Ventilin, making the medicine not work, so they put me on Mag to kinda "re-set" those receptors so that I can go back on the Ventilin and hopefully have less cramping than I have for the last couple weeks.
My brother Ben came in yesterday, and has been a really big help. He has been taking care of Kaylyn since this morning when Stephen brought me in...my mom is supposed to be here on Saturday, so Ben will have to watch her all of tomorrow too (although Stephen is around, but he has to work)...I miss Kaylyn already...this morning I was crying to Ben, and Kaylyn was right there...Ben was saying take a deep breath...I sat down to try and calm myself, and Kaylyn walked over to me and said, " take a deep breath mommy"...I think when I get upset I will try and remember her telling me that...I thank God for Kaylyn everyday...